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When you add CBD into the mix, everything’s a little different, isn’t it?
The frustration you were feeling seems to melt away. Your body feels heavy in a good way. And your thoughts are as warm as the blood in your veins.
CBD just has a way of making you feel better.
Now, with so many states on some form of lockdown order, there’s not a lot to do other than watch movies. And when we started thinking about the positive benefits of CBD in our own lives, it got us thinking about the effects CBD might have on the lives of film’s greatest villains…
You know where this is going, don’t you?
Here’s how your favorite films would’ve ended if the villain had a few drops of sweet, sweet, CBD!
The Story You Know:
The Dark Knight begins with a heist. In the process of the heist, the crew kills each one by one until only one is left standing: The Joker. Meanwhile, Harvey Dent—a sterling and optimistic young prosecutor—gives Bruce Wayne the confidence to move away from his role as The Batman and settle down with his long-time love, Rachel—who ironically is now dating Harvey Dent.
As Batman struggles to wrap his head around an opponent he can’t understand, his personal world is brought into the fray when The Joker kidnaps Rachel and Harvey Dent. Giving him time to save only ONE of the two, without knowing which, he unintentionally saves Dent when he was attempting to save Rachel.
In the explosion, Dent is disfigured, and in an opportune visit to the hospital, The Joker persuades him to break bad. Together with The Joker, Dent goes on a killing spree, leading to his kidnapping of Gordon’s son and The Joker staging a Prisoner’s Dilemma with Gotham civilians vs Gotham prisoners.
The Joker’s plans fail and he’s captured, while Batman goes to rescue Gordon’s son. In the struggle, Dent is killed and Batman decides to take the rap for his murders to retain his image as a symbol for peace. He escapes into the night as the police begin a manhunt.
Here’s How It Should’ve Ended:
When The Joker goes in to convince Harvey Dent to turn bad, Dent who just so happens to have a bottle of CBD hemp capsules on him and offers The Joker one instead. After taking a capsule and talking about life, the end of Game of Thrones, and whether squids are really aliens, The Joker calmly leaves the hospital and decides to back to school to finish his GED.
The Shining is about a family that opts to stay and caretake a closed resort for the winter—one constructed on an Indian burial ground. The family, led by husband and writer, Jack, gradually begins to experience increasingly more disturbing paranormal events.
The couple’s son, Danny, also exhibits a telepathic ability that allows him to telekinetically converse with the resort’s head chef, Hallorann.
As time progresses and Jack becomes increasingly hostile and pushed further toward insanity, he finally snaps. When his wife, Wendy finally checks into his office to find him and sees the work he’s been writing—an endless track of the same line “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy,” he attacks her. Though she escapes, he resumes his hunt, picking up an ax, killing the would-rescuer Hallorann, and going after his wife and child in the brutal winter snow.
His wife leads Danny into—and then out of—the maze, leaving Jack trapped in the cold where he soon freezes to death.
Wendy and Danny leave the hotel to never return as Jack joins the procession of ghostly apparitions.
How It Should’ve Ended:
When Wendy stumbles into Jack’s office and discovers his insanity, instead of beating him off with a baseball bat when he attacks her, she offers him some men’s health CBD gummies to calm him down.
Overcoming his rage and insanity, he reconciles with his wife, opts to become a blogger, and chooses to sit down with his family and watch Toy Story 3 (the best Toy Story).
Okay, this one’s a little complicated to summarize so we’ll keep it short.
Hitmen Jules and Vincent have just accidentally killed a friend, disposed of the body, and cleaned out their car. However, Jules has previously had a significant and life-affirming moment—he was shot at and the bullets missed.
As Jules and Vincent sit down at a diner, out of trouble, and discuss Jules’ newfound revelation, the diner is robbed by a man named Pumpkin and a woman named Honey Bunny. In the altercation, Jules forces Pumpkin and Honey Bunny into a Mexican standoff.
Gun to his head, Jules explains to Pumpkin that he’s trying to leave the life of crime behind. After a tense moment, he allows Pumpkin to take his wallet in exchange for not shooting him for the attempted robbery. He then picks up his belongings and quietly leaves with Vincent out the diner’s front door.
When Jules and Vincent encounter Pumpkin and Honey Bunny at the diner, instead of a long draw out Mexican standoff, Jules would simply hand Pumpkin a hit of his vape pen. After tasting the delicious and intoxicating flavor of Blue Raspberry 1000mg vape juice (1000mg), they’d sit down and order the french toast special, and complain about their jobs.
Akin to Hamlet, The Lion King begins with the birth of a young lion named Simba. Heir to his father, Mufasa’s throne, Simba is a playful, prideful, and rambunctious cub. As he learns the ways of the kingdom from his father, the story’s villain appears—his uncle, Scar, who seeks to destroy his brother and claim the throne for himself.
In a twisted series of events, Scar succeeds in killing Mufasa while leading young Simba to believe he was responsible for his father’s death. Simba runs away in exile and meets two friendly animals—Timone and Pumba—who effectively raise him as a carefree lion.
Years later as the kingdom begins to deteriorate, Simba’s childhood friend, Nala, finds Simba on the outskirts of the kingdom. She tells him that Scar is the new ruler and reminds Simba that he is the rightful heir.
Gathering his courage and breaking free of his guilt, Simba goes back to his kingdom to fight Scar. In a vicious battle between Simba and his uncle, Simba emerges victorious and regains the throne, restoring peace to the kingdom.
This one could’ve been solved in the very beginning. Scar is frustrated by his lack of position; downright insecure about it. Before the series of events that leads to Mufasa’s death, the King takes notice that Scar has really been killing the vibe and offers him some CBD gummies to take the edge off. Scar, now relaxed, sees the error of his ways. He then leaves the kingdom and starts his own pride in North Korea.
The Matrix begins with our heroine, Trinity escaping from a group of “government officials,” otherwise known as agents. However, the world we see is not the actual world. Instead, what we see is a fake reality called The Matrix. In this reality, machines have begun farming humans in giant pod-like structures for energy.
In the Matrix, humans aware of its irreality can perform incredible feats of strength and agility. However, the machines inside the Matrix are nigh unstoppable killing machines aptly named, agents, led by the villainous, Agent Smith.
After locating Neo, who Trinity and her leader, Morpheus successfully rescue and pull him into the real world.
Neo meets the crew of the group’s airship and slowly becomes accustomed to the world of the Matrix.
However, one of the more jaded crew members, Cypher, meets Agent Smith in private to betray his crew. The next day, the group go on a mission that goes awry. Nearly all are killed, Morpheus is captured, and Neo is forced to choose between his mentor or himself.
Neo chooses to believe he can do both. Heading into the Matrix, Neo confronts the system’s agents, recognizes that he is the one, and saves the day.
You’re probably thinking we’d say give them to Agent Smith and it’d be over right? Wrong. He’s a program, so CBD won’t work on him. Cypher, on the other hand, starts communicating with the machines at the start of the movie. Rather than letting Cypher talk to the machines, Neo offers him a CBD hemp capsule.
After taking his hemp capsule, Cypher realizes that the human world isn’t so bad after all. He calms his hot ass down, heads to Zion, marries a nice girl, and starts a family.
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