Life’s too short to be forcing yourself through bad meals. Here’s how to use CBD to survive a culinary disaster!
By: Jacob La Cava
Imagine this: you’re spending the day at your friend’s childhood home for the first time ever, and things are going relatively well. As the day reaches its end, you sit down with your friend’s family and get ready to enjoy a nice, home-cooked meal. Your friend’s mom says she whipped up something extra special that she can’t wait to see you try – a classic casserole recipe containing a spice that her great-grandfather concocted in a trench during the Great War. Had you paid attention during your years of history classes, you would’ve recognized this obvious red flag.
When she brings the casserole out to the table, you notice that it possesses a very… unique smell; something you might liken to metal or gunpowder. You say nothing, of course, in fear of being perceived as rude and never getting invited back to the home again. When it’s your turn to take a piece of the casserole, you notice that one of its ingredients has given its core a ghastly gray color. And is that… yep, something is definitely moving around in there as well.
You don’t want to be rude and decline the meal, but you also don’t want to potentially become a zombie as the result of chowing down on this “casserole.” This is where a collection of CBD products could be especially helpful. Here are tips on how CBDfx products can assist you in surviving a terrible meal:
#1. Sneaky Substitution
If you feel like you’re capable of being sneaky and tricking your friend and their family while at the dinner table, the easiest way to avoid eating the food is by slyly substituting it with an edible CBD product. This way, you can still enjoy a meal with everyone else while not actually having to put any of their horror movie food into your mouth. The best product here would likely be the CBDfx Gummies, of which you have a couple choices. You could go with the Original Red gummies, which carry a sweet, sugary flavor profile, or you could try out our gummies with Turmeric and Spirulina, two superfoods that offer their own interesting array of ingredients and flavor profiles.
When no one is looking, quickly chow down on a couple of the gummies and mash around the casserole a bit, so that it looks like you took a bite out of it instead. Depending on the type of family that your friend has, they might not care if you don’t actually eat much of the meal. The fact that you enjoyed the amount that you had will be enough for these kinds of people, which will help you immensely. If this is the case, simply express delight with the casserole and eventually state that you’re full and unfortunately can’t have more of the delicious meal. None the wiser, they’ll trust that you really did enjoy the food and won’t press you to eat any more.
#2. Feign Illness
Pretending that you’re sick is another fairly simple way that you can avoid eating the gross food that your friend’s family has laid out in front of you. It’ll take a bit of acting to pull off, as you’ll need to really sell that you don’t feel well enough to eat, but if you think you can pull it off, then you’ll be well in the clear. Still, you’ll want to have something; no point in starving yourself, might as well get something out of the dinner. Ask if you can be excused to go to the bathroom. Once there, take your handy dandy CBDfx CBD Tincture out of your pocket and enjoy a serving of high-quality CBD hemp extract. We’d recommend having a flavored tincture with you in this instance, as it’ll provide you with that extra flavor profile to enjoy while you plan out the best way to avoid their food for the rest of the night.
Once satisfied with the tincture, put on a weary face and return to the table. Alert your friend and their family that your stomach is killing you and that it might just be best for you to go home. Tell them how sad you are that you didn’t get to try the casserole, but emphasize that any attempt to get food down likely wouldn’t end well for anyone at the table. They won’t fight you on the topic, and though they might sound disappointed that you didn’t get to try their specialty meal, they’ll end up being overwhelmingly understanding. Say goodbye to everyone and head out to your own home, happy with having successfully avoided eating any of the casserole and other unappealing food items that were at the table. If you’re still hungry after all of this, stop by somewhere on the way home and grab something that doesn’t look like it was just thawed out after being frozen for a decade.
#3. Enter The Gauntlet
The first two tips can be useful when dealing with families that are highly empathetic and don’t want to be pushy in any way. While many families will be like this, there are some that can exhibit behavior on the far opposite end of the spectrum. Your friend’s family might be dead set on having you try the casserole, and they could even use some of the guilt-tripping tactics of the previous tip in order to make you feel as if you have no choice in the matter. In these instances, a more serious response must be called for. Be kind at first, declining the food; tell them that you’re not hungry, or that you have food waiting for you back home. If the kind excuses don’t get through to them, or they become visibly hostile, it’s time to amp things up.
Be stern, decline the food. When they begin getting aggressive, step away from the table and get into a fighting stance. Call upon the knowledge that you’ve cultivated through watching Robert Clouse and Quentin Tarantino movies, and allow the spirits of Bruce Lee and the Carradine Brothers to take over your body. The casserole fully rebuked, your friend and their family will likely engage you in martial arts-based combat – a custom that many in the US are already familiar with. You’ll have to subdue each member of the family one-by-one, and once you do this, you’re free to leave the home without eating any of their food. CBDfx Balm would be ideal for this situation, its host of supporting topical ingredients being perfect for use before and after the showdown. Impressed by your skills and honorable fighting techniques, your friend’s family should harbor no ill will, and they’ll know to make a different meal the next time you come over.
There are 3 unique tips on how to survive a terrible meal without ever having to actually try any of the questionable food that’s placed in front of you. Of course, you could always simply concede defeat and eat what they make, but why put yourself through that when you can potentially avoid it entirely while also getting to flex your knowledge of all things martial arts?